I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
