I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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