i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
