There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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