in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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