I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
