So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
