and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
