hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
