Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
