Will you blow on my dice?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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