im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm at about main and main street
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
