At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?