Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
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My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life