ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me