and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
