New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
