goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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