roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
