So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
