Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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