She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
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Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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