Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
