Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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