i dedicated my morning wood to you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
