first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
