pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Shame - the story of my life.
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