oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
