i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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