I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
