I am in a vortex of obligation.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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