I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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