you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
dude. I can hear the air.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
