I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
