I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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