i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
