My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
