Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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