i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
