considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
