i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
