Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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