At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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