Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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