Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
