whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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