Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
