Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
