Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
