Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this just has baby written all over it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
