Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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