ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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