please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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