If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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