Will you blow on my dice?
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i jhust puked up my retainher.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
