This girl is more easily done than said...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
