I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize