Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
