we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
