I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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