Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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