she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
