every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
