Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just had sex on a roof
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
