My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
cat food counts as protein by the way
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
