Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
