HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
