I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
