wakey wakey hands off snakey
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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