This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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