Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
time to smoke my breakfast
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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