The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
