Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
NoShamevember. You game?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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