Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
