i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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