i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
