Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
