Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
