I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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