Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
